Hold on Summer is Almost Here

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This picture is of almost every staple I have taken out of things at work over the last seven years! When I first started in my current job I was more or less presented with a large pile of documents and got to scan them in and then file them, this was at a time before paper free! It was also a very depressing time in my life as I was worth so much more than that. I always say to some of the new girls at work that they don’t know how lucky they are before cause when I started I was given endless filing and micro fishing. Seven years down the line now and so much has changed for a start Alex is seven almost eight! So he in away has grown with me while I was been at IRS and I still remember the early days of being up with him and then having to go to work! Cause I always wanted a career and Alex wasn’t going to get in my way.

It has been a roller coaster of emotions to which I guess has ended at me going down to three days a week for the sake of my health! Which yes I know you don’t need to tell me it has been for the best! When someone left work a while back they said to be

“I hope you find what you are looking for”

and at that moment I could of cried probably almost did. Because as fantastic as IRS have been it wasn’t what I wanted to do when I grow up and like many others I fell into that job for safety and security and haven’t got out since.

But alas everything I do has always been for my family, I have always wanted a better life for them and myself and truth be told maybe IRS is the best!? I apply for jobs here and there but there is so much risk attached to me moving especially if my health fails over! Because if I move I will be the new girl, last one in first one out. Plus I don’t interview well!

There are also some big challenges coming up in the Sheldon house hold on the horizon that maybe I am just better off sticking for at least another year!?

I am writing this novel, would I be able to do that if I changed job for a start and I am a third of the way through my study! *cough*

But all this a side people are dying, and again it’s people that effect me someone close to home recently and then of all places I learned of someone else today that I knew when I was younger and all this makes me think why am I sticking when there is so much more out there I could do!? Then this leads to everything else of did I go down the wrong career path at what point in my education did I do something wrong! Why am I not clever enough to do certain job, my health and the big wack on the head when I was younger probably didn’t help and now it’s too late!? Because I have a family to support. But then I see a friend of mine who used to be a teacher and now she is a dr in training and she has MS on top! If she can do it why can’t I?

There are so many amazing people out there fighting bigger battles than I am right now! So why am I just settling!? All those staples I have collected because trust me it’s easier to put them in a cup than in the bin must represent something!? I have so much more I can give but yet I chose to settle!?

We are told when we are younger, we can be anything we want to be, and decisions we make for Alex and Melanie now unknown to them will effect them for what probably will be the rest of there lives.

I hope at some point I do though find what I am looking for, but if anyone has seen it I’ll be glad of the direction towards it!

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